So I’m
considering taking a Voluntary Early Retirement Package (VERP). One of my concerns is that while I’m at home
some family dynamics could be changing.
Top of mind is that without having the ability to grouse incessantly
about my unbearable commute…I’ll be expected to do a lot more around the
house. I’m not the handiest guy in the
world and on a patience scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest…I’m a negative
7. I’m very good at stripping screws,
ruining the finish on fine things, and minor electrocution. Sharp objects or things that spin at hi-speed
are definite “no-nos”. If they’re both
sharp and spin at hi-speeds there’s a real good chance I’m going to the
emergency room. And usually at the end
of my projects there are many left over parts.
The phrase, “What the @#$%^” can be heard repeatedly, coupled with things
being thrown viciously about. I’m a joy
to be with.
This past
week I come home from my unbearable commute…(we really need to see if there’s
any leftover TARP money that can be donated to New Jersey Transit. They need to get parts to fix their “disabled
trains.” They seem to get stuck in the
tunnel leading into NYC at least every other day. As luck would have it, I’m either on one or stuck
behind one all week long). I walk
through the door and head up stairs to change out of my uniform into sweats and
a tee shirt. I come downstairs and both
my wife and daughter ask me, so what did you think of the bathroom? Now I’m thinking, “I have no idea, I didn’t
look in the bathroom.” I know this will
not be satisfactory because I’m a notorious non-noticer. My usual crime is haircuts. Unless my wife is going for a Crew or
Mohawk…there’s a good chance it will not register with me. Then I’m pretty weak as I try to recover. I know I’m about to go down this path shortly.
As I
struggle, my daughter jumps up and says, “I want to be there when you see it”,
so we march upstairs. We’re standing at
the entrance to the bathroom and I notice three new small carpets and call them
out. I’m now playing 20 questions
calling out items I see… the lights have not changed, we have the same mirrors;
we still have sinks…then it finally kicks in.
MY Wife has actually replaced both sink faucets in our bathroom AND the
maze of plumbing to and from the new faucets. And
it all works and looks beautiful. In
complete awe, I look at my daughter and say, “I could not have done this.”
My wife
tells me about her multiple trips to Home Depot, the different lengths of PVC
tubing needed to complete the job, her expert use of plumber’s putty, and the
piece of resistance was when she was using her legs and feet banging on a
wrench to break the seal of a fitting that wouldn’t come lose. Only for a split
second did I envision what I would have been like trying to achieve what she
did. (Picture a mushroom cloud from an
atomic blast.) First we would have
needed all new plumbing, new mirrors, glass doors and a trip…at least to the
pharmacy.
So my gift
for Mother’s Day was not only a new set of great looking faucets coupled with
the saving of my sanity…but the pleasure in knowing that my wife is not only
tech support for all of our user friendly electronics, but also, more than
capable of doing my chores. (I have a very
old lawn mower that now electrocutes me when I try to turn it off…maybe she can
fix that for Father’s Day)
