Hiking National Parks out West -
Lessons Learned:
1. Don’t
fool yourself into believing that there will be no paybacks if you try to hike
up and down mountains for 5 or 6 hours a day, and you haven’t gotten yourself
into any kind of shape. You know how
after a tough workout you describe how certain parts of your body hurt? In this case, describing what didn’t hurt
would be easier. And in this state of
endless agony, you’re constantly asking people who are returning from a summit
that you’re trying to reach, “How much further to the top?” Their answers are always so disappointing
that you think they’re screwing with your head – They’re not. You’ll also find that while you’re under
exhausting stress, you, your loved ones, and your very close friends grow
patient-less…even angry. I was sure that
at a couple of points along the trail I’d get a rock to the back of the head.
2. Even
if you think you’re a camel, drink water, lots of water. What I found out after the fact was that when
stressing your muscles, lactic acid builds up in them causing night cramps,
water flushes it out.
3. Do
Not try to navigate the maze of canyons without a map. Fight the overwhelming force that tells you,
“Oh I don’t need no stinking map.”
Unless of course your mission is to get lost. (Note to self: Bad idea to blame your spouse
re forgetting map) The trail signs are
completely inadequate - we wound up on a “Horse Trail.” No sign of horses but you could definitely
tell they were there. We should have
figured out that we were in trouble when we lost site of any humans, but we had
more than enough evidence that horses were there. After a while the smell got to be so strong
that I started to question what they were feeding these animals – Think Kramer,
Rusty and Beeferino. Quick Note: After using an ancient unisex outhouse where
it was apparent that they had an “annual” service contract, I found myself
looking forward to the smell of the Manure Trail.
4. And
the Don’t Leave Home Without Them items: Vitamints, Triple Strength Bi-Flex
Joint Health, Advil, Advil PM, Zantac, Tums, Gas-X, and everyone’s favorite –
ImodiumAD.
5. An
Observation about Bryce Canyon National Park:
Ebenezer Bryce lived in an area just outside Bryce Canyon called
Tropic. Yes Tropic. He lived there from 1875 to 1880. Five years – and for that he had a National
Park named after him. I was thinking to
myself, those must have been the most stellar, show stopping five years anyone
ever had since the dawn of time. So I
asked one of the of the Park Rangers about it.
He said, “You’ve got a good point.
These days you need to either a famous inventor or a president to get a
National Park named after you.” (Look
for Trump Tower to be submitted as an entry for our next National Park) The ranger went on to say that Ebenezer Bryce
(and here I thought only Scrooge had that first name) was part of the Mormon Church
and his main job was to do reconnaissance work for the Church and scope out new
wilderness areas for potential settlements.
Once he’d find an area, he’d help the new Mormon settlers get going,
building houses and showing them how to farm.
Once established, he’d move on.
He did this fourteen times and finally settled in Arizona. The ranger felt that the magnitude of the
number of times he did this was impressive and that by itself warrants the
naming. I still thought it was very
weak.
6. And
last but not least - Plan Ahead.
National Parks have crowded times and not so crowded times. You really need to do the homework to figure
out how to maximize your enjoyment of the parks – Well worth the effort. Truly Amazing Sites.
7. “Climb
a Mountain or spend a week in the Woods.
Wash your Spirit Clean.” – John Muir
