Know your title...or where it is

So on Christmas Eve I decided to treat myself and took my car to the dealer for service.  It was more than past due for an oil change, and the warning lights in the car told me that the air in the run-flats was low.  Of course I waited long enough for the battery to go dead as well.  I get up early on Christmas Eve, and with a couple of broom handles to prop up the jumper cables for maximum length, I’m able to jump my car without electrocuting myself.

I’ve raised this car for almost 15 years.  In its heyday it was great, comfortable to ride, fast and with a retractable hardtop.  And best of all, ultra-reliable.

About five years ago, old age started setting in.  (the car, not me)  No longer comfortable to ride, it feels like sitting on a go-cart with your spine absorbing every bump in the road.  Now every trip to the dealership results in a bill that ranges between $2,000 and $3,000.  And every time I make that investment, I can’t see my way clear of doing anything but keep the car.   In the back of my mind I’m rationalizing (each time) that with an investment like that, I must be good for another four years.  (Oh, and it’s rear-wheel drive and does not do well in snow.  I’ve had to leave it on the side of the road and walk home more than once.)

My thought was that on Christmas Eve, the dealership would be empty - who besides me would be there?  Wrong.  As it turns out, half the globe likes to get their car serviced right before their holiday travels.  Fortunately I have an appointment and they take me on schedule.  The way it works is, you tell them what you want, and a mechanic looks at your car for about 20 minutes.  Then you’re paged and called into a small office where a “consultant” tells you the grim news about all the other services you need.  Oddly on this occasion they tell me the battery does not need to be replaced.  But…there is always a “but”, the back brakes are just about shot, the tires are wearing unevenly, so an alignment makes sense as well.  "We could complete the $2,700 effort now if you like?"   In an unnatural act, I tell them to hold off, I pay my $67 bill (the smallest I’ve ever had at this place) and leave.  It’s time.

Long story somewhat short, I decide I should get an all-wheel drive Subaru Legacy.  It’s attractively priced and has tons of safety features, many more than I’ll ever have time to learn, unless my wife reads the library of manuals.   The sales guy is very thorough.  He tells me how the engine is mounted very low in the front for better stability and if you’re in a head on collision, it will not wind up sitting in your lap or on your knee caps.  This all makes good sense.  At the end of our road test, this trusting soul decides to prove his final Subaru point.  (In the TV Series, Rock the Park, they only drive Subaru’s during their adventures.)  To get back into the dealership parking lot he directs me to go into a lot just before theirs and stop the car somewhat aligned with the slim single open parking slot in their lot.  To get to it, I need to go up over a steep 9 inch tall curb that is made of frozen dirt and caked in snow and ice.  Then travel about another 20 feet across a snow and ice covered grass berm into the parking slot.  I remind him that I have not bought this car as yet, and any damage is on him.  He’s fine with that, and I damn the torpedoes.  In the back of my mind I’m thinking about the engine that is hanging low and I’m very sure that I’ll be leaving parts of it across the icy knoll.  The car handles it like a pro and amazingly I manage not to smash into any other vehicles.  (I might have a future in parking cars)

Bottom line is I bought a Subaru (not that particular car…as I can’t imagine that I didn’t damage it in some way)

Of course I was just window shopping so I told the dealer that I’d need to go home and get the title to my trade-in (that was fun, as they did not put any worth in the sentimental value I placed on the car.  I think the phrase they used was something along the lines of, "It's just a 15 year old car we will not be able to sell.")   

I’m a master paper collector.  I have all papers for everything I’ve ever bought.   I'm the reason there's a pulp shortage in the world right now.  I have all 15 years’ worth of maintenance bills on my existing car.   

But naturally, I cannot find the title to my car.  

It’s not where it supposed to be, so I turn my whole house, floor by floor, drawer by drawer, upside down – I’m now a certifiable, raving lunatic.

So my car has the last laugh.  To get rid of it, I need to make a trip in morning, in the freezing rain, to the NJ Division of Motor Vehicles and pay $60 for a “lost title.”   I’m sure I’ll find the original tonight….

After Thoughts:  My newest catch phrase that I say frequently now is: WTF.    I mentioned that the car has safety features, which I have not yet figured out how to turn off.  One that will eventually make me a better driver is that the car has cameras up front that can track the lines in a highway or street.  If you cross the lines without a turn signal on, it beeps at an alarming level that I would image an F15 Fighter Pilot would experience when an enemy cruise missile has just locked on. 
I've been wanting to try out the "Crash Avoidance"...but I'm too chicken.

Happy New Year to All!