So with the new world of quarantine and virtual connectivity, my normal face to face job has been dehumanized to connecting with people over the phone or the digitized image of myself shoulders up. The latter has proven to be a bit of a slippery slope for me.
I’ve taken quarantine very seriously. I haven’t shaved in over 2 months and I can’t remember where my comb is. I won’t go into how many days I’ve worn the same clothes but someone just saw a picture of me and thought I was a hostage. There are very few things I’m still good at, one is growing a beard. When I was much younger…much much younger, I had blonde hair and a red beard. That red beard is now white…like Santa Claus White. My red suit is on order and I’m figuring that for my second act I’ll work one month a year and spread some cheer.
This look can be a good thing and a bad thing. I decided I needed something from our local Walgreens store. I have my new uniform on…sweat pants and flannel shirt. As I park in front of the Walgreens I look down at my chest and lap and notice that it looks as though my clothes have been hosting a cheese fondue party. I do my best to pick the cheese off (no I did not eat the aged cheese, but the thought did cross my mind.) but ultimately decided with my new costume and mask, no one will recognize me and I head in. Instead of getting a basket or a cart (for fear of contracting said virus) I opted to carry the few items I needed in my arms. This was fine until my eyes were bigger than my arms. At one point I kept dropping items on the floor to the point where a middle aged woman felt compelled to help me with my ever tumbling packages. I fought her off for a while feeling somewhat insulted, then decided, hey would Santa accept help? Sure he would.
When you normally have to dress professionally for work and go to see customers, the gift of not having to get dressed can become problematic. My company has standardized on the video conferencing product that runs on your laptop called, Zoom. To protect my new way of life, I have made it a point to not turn on the live video camera during customer Zoom sessions. The new me is not pleasing to the eye and definitely not customer friendly. Unfortunately one of my younger teammates had arranged a Zoom meeting with one of our customers from Puurs, Belgium. Since they’re seven hours ahead of us the meeting was earlier in the morning. As we kicked off the call, my associate says, “Steve, I’m not sure if you’ve been formally introduced to Vilma, why don’t you introduce yourself.” That would have been fine but both my associate and Vilma have their cameras on and without thinking too much, I patted the top of my hair and turned my camera on…forgetting I was still in my Incredible Hulk pajamas. It gets better, when I turn the camera on, not only can other people see me, but I can see myself on the screen. I’m now staring at the disheveled; Cheerios stuck in the beard chaos that is my new look. After that, all I can remember is blabbering about what an idiot I am and how I bring no value to any meeting unless it involves cheese.
The moral of the story is, Stay Vigilant, this will be over soon and people might recognize you.
