The latest health scare to hit the headlines did not originate in China. It came from Corporate America, more specifically, the insurance industry in these United States of America. Whether it’s an account of insurance companies not on track to make their quarterly numbers, so they decide to deny all insurance claims no matter what; or the latest: Anesthesia-gate.
It seems one of the largest health insurers in New Jersey recently came out with a plan to limit the amount of anesthesia that could be administered during medical procedures…like brain surgery. Seems the executives at the insurance company thought their cost accountants had a better handle on medical requirements in the operating room when compared to the insights of trained healthcare professionals. They’re taking a cue from professional baseball where in an attempt to speed up the game, they reduced the time a pitcher has between throws to home plate. The idea was that the time saved would provide for longer commercials, because that’s what we need.
The plan our insurance providers envisioned was that jumbo-sized hourglasses would be installed in each operating room. There would be a one hour glass for tonsils to be removed, a two hour unit for a knee replacement, four hours for a heart transplant, and a five hour mega-glass for brain surgery. Before operating, each patient would have the option of being given either a bullet or wooden hanger to bite down on in the unlikely event that the surgeon could not finish in time. This new process would also make for good theater. Picture the surgeon, sweating bullets as the sands of time begin to run out. He’s forced to take shortcuts (stiches become a nice to have) as he tries to win at a do or die game of beat the clock. I’m sure Dateline will be calling.
As healthcare challenges continue, a family member and I recently needed to make two visits to the Emergency Room (ER) within a week. During the second visit, we waited for over ten hours to be admitted. To be fair, they do an excellent job of setting patient expectations. In every room and hallway is a placard listing how long it takes to get results from blood work, EKG, or CT Scans. One of the downsides of having the hospital app on your phone is that you get the results of the tests before a doctor does. This can be problematic when the AI software interpreting your EKG results says you’ve had two infarctions…heart attacks! Finally one of the doctors assured us, that the AI software has an obsession with heart attacks and to disregard its suggestions. We gladly complied.
A day or two after being admitted, we were told that the ER can handle admitting a maximum of 60 people a day. These days, routinely, they have 120 people waiting to be admitted and quite often they have spikes of 190. This environment is not like TV’s Grey’s Anatomy, or Chicago Med where if they have eight people in the ER, everyone starts whining and throwing temper tantrums. In this real world, there are infirmed people lined up in chairs in multiple rooms, down hallways and for the really sick, lying on gurneys up and down hallways. It’s a large facility, but it needs to be twice as big. And once all of my grousing is done, it needs to be said that these under pressure healthcare professionals all keep an upbeat and civil attitude. They do an amazing job with a near impossible situation.
And to brighten your day, a quick tale about our first visit to the ER: After six hours of tests and waiting to see a doctor, they determined diverticulitis was the culprit. For those not familiar with diverticulitis, imagine have kidney stones up and down the 27 miles of your intestinal tract. It’s fun like that. But while we were waiting in the bowels of the ER with the horde of other tortured souls, some thing or somebody walked by and the smell went off the Richter scale bad. My wife turned to me with a look of horrific pain and disbelief. For a split second I thought I saw an accusatory look on her face and I thought to myself, “Really, I’m flattered but only an evil mutant with a super power could produce that.” Then everyone in the hallway started vigorously denying responsibility. It was like someone was cleaning out the clogged toilets at Taco Bell, put the aftermath in a fishnet stocking and was whirling it in the air as they slowly walked by…and then sat down next to you. I naturally had to make some choice comments and my wife started laughing to the point where she thought her appendix had burst. This was the first of many occasions that I was asked to leave.
Final note: after the CEO of United Healthcare was assassinated, the killer leaving bullet shells with the word “Deny” written on them, the Insurance company referenced earlier in this column quickly made a management type decision to rescind their plan to cut back on anesthesia.
