To be fair, we did need better control at our borders. During the previous administration, our country was exposed to the world like a Moroccan fair (Thank You, Schitt’s Creek).
And it would be naïve to think that we weren’t letting a number of what I call Very Bad People, (aka the VBP-13 gangs going forward), waltz into our country with identification paperwork written in crayon.
The VBP-13 gangs have a violent history, and are undoubtedly doing harm to our country and the people within it. Thank goodness we have the new, flush with cash, Immigrations and Custom Enforcement (I.C.E.) Machine.
Depending on what AI search tool you use, their new budget is anywhere from $10 to $29 billion, all the way up to $170 billion for 2025. Not millions, but Billions! For comparison purposes, the budget for the National Parks system, with over 400 locations is ~ $3 billion. That’s before any further defunding happens.
Remember the wealthy need every penny of those tax breaks, they’re saving for a private island. (Note: A subset of National Park staff, “The Erasers” are now trying to repair our majestic parks that have been defaced. There aren’t enough park rangers employed to keep the bad actors in line).
In any case, with that kind of massive ICE funding, I have to think that we’ll not only be able to scoop up every VBP-13 gang member in existence, but we’ll also get every jaywalker strolling across all fifty states. I can’t wait for the glorious headlines!
Make no mistake though, this job that the ICE Agents have is a tough one, seriously. And recruiting is not easy. Rumor has it that signing bonuses for new ICE agents is rivaling those of major league baseball.
But fear not, we now have Superman on our team. Or at least Dean Cain, the guy who played Superman in the 1990s. He’s 59 years old now. I’m not sure how old that is in Crypton years…somebody please, google that one.
Here’s the thing, for most men, even super men, at 59 years old, the need for a 2 PM nap becomes nothing short of critical. And add the need to pee, more than frequently, and you’re creating a mission impossible situation. With that, I’m picturing an aging superman about to make a major bust on a nasty bunch of VBP-13 gang members. It’s 4:30PM, way past nap time, and he’s been crouched down for three hours drinking coffee. To make matters worse, there’s not a bathroom in sight. This is not going to end well.
But there should be light at the end of the tunnel coming for Dean and a good number of ICE Agents, as well as the National Guard. First, keep in mind that the current administration, many of them with extensive reality television backgrounds - really enjoy good press. It’s in their DNA. You would think that any arrests against the VBP-13 gang members would be on the news in bold flashing lights. I have seen none.
Even with the mayor of New York City negotiating away his indictment, and agreeing to vigorously help ICE – There are No big headlines of VBP-13 arrests. How can that be? They have enough funding to put a man on Jupiter and simultaneously feed every child on our planet, and probably Jupiter’s too. And they have Superman. What more could they need?
Well, this might be the reason: The vast majority of Mr. Freeze’s ICE men are not going where the VBP-13 personnel hang out, and create mayhem.
Instead, our ICE men are positioning themselves at the doors of Home Depot, picking off outdoor workers carrying bags of grass seed – the kind that grows a lawn. The vast majority of these ICE targets appear to be gainfully employed, doing jobs that the residents of the areas have no interest in doing themselves. Hanging outside of baseball parks in Los Angeles is another area where ICE Agents have been seen stationed on the job. Could it be they received a tip that the major league ball clubs are hiring non-union players that are actually illegal immigrants? Thankfully, Dunkin Donuts is unofficially off limits as coffee and sugary donuts are considered sacred by the enforcement teams. That supply chain cannot be disrupted.
In other, “Let’s waste our nation’s money” news, the National Guard is now stationed in Washington DC. But to paraphrase the ex-police chief of Washington DC, Charles H. Ramsey, Yes, DC like other large cities has a crime problem. But the National Guard is not being deployed to those areas where crime is high. Well that just doesn’t make sense, does it?
Instead, the National Guard is being deployed at the Mall in Washington DC…with nothing to do. I’ve heard they are now relegated to doing some light gardening, picking up trash and posing for action photos with tourists. We now have the best equipped, most expensive garbage men on the face of the earth. We’re Great Again! So we have that going for us, which is nice. – (Thanks Carl Spackler.) But still, no headlines about sending these notorious VBP-13 criminals to the swamps of Florida or further South.
But what’s really bugging me is a different group of illegal aliens. They’re infesting, if you will, our neighborhoods. They came to America from South East Asia, cleverly hiding on cargo ships. Their financial impact to our area has been devastating. Of course I’m speaking of the heinous Spotted Lantern Fly. He’s back again and I want to know why our tax dollars can’t be used to deploy ICE agents or the National Guard, and rid us of this illegal alien menace. When that happens, then you’ll see headlines!
