Advice on How to Keep Your Toes

Advice on Keeping your Toes.....

Gang, as much as we all have ten fingers and ten toes, (lots of

spares) I now consider myself an expert on how to lose a few of each.

Last summer's Swiss Army Knife pre-vacation debacle where I tried my best to lose a finger due to sheer laziness and stupidity wasn't enough.

I recently went after the toes.

This year's advice goes something like this:  "Never, I repeat: NEVER  use a power string weed whacker wearing flip flops, while in a hurry."

Or put another way, "Don't do Lazy - Stupid Things!"

So I'm weed whacking....Lots and lots of weed whacking.  (Most other people would get a small lawn mower, but that would mean having to lug it around, a lot of gas, blade sharpening, tune-ups, the whole nine yards.  I’m simplifying..minimizing.  The weed whacker will do just fine.)  I’m on a mission and as I blaze new trails with my whacker quite often I’m getting pelted in the face with flying grass, weeds and other chunks of debris.   Sometimes these small missiles are coming very close to the eyes.  And I'm thinking to myself...”I have a pair of safety glasses and it probably would be a very good idea to put them on and save my eyesight.”  But that would mean dropping the weed whacker...walking around, finding the glasses...probably have to clean them.  I'll have none of that, much too big a waste of time.  You’re probably thinking, “Well he must have had something very important to get to if he’s willing to risk his eye sight.”  And that my friends is the really fascinating part: Absolutely Nothing Going On!  But if something were to pop up, I’d probably be ready…that’s if I could see.

Now I'm just about done.  I'm coming down the home stretch and I really just want this task to be over.  I'm using wide strokes as I swing the whacker side to side to get the last bit of grass.  Then I notice that I'm actually standing on some high grass and in the extreme height of laziness and stupidity figure, “I'll just finesse this last bit and manicure the grass around my feet...with the weed whacker.”  Sometimes good judgment eludes us.  What I failed to realize was that I didn't have a scalpel in my hands (Thank God for small favors) and I was tired and getting just a little sloppy.  And maybe if I had looked down at my feet hard enough I would have noticed I didn't have sneakers or shoes on...... By the time I came to that realization, it was a little too late.  Actually, it was way too late.  All I can tell you is that thick nylon string whirling at about Mach 7 can lash you quite a few times prior to have the ability to react in what can only be summed up as defense in slow motion.

Its funny how your family members can sense when something is wrong.  As opposed to last summer when at midnight I was standing in our bathroom with my finger gashed open and hoping that a little pressure might fix everything....  This time I was a bit more obvious.

First there was the discontinuation of the weed whacker motor, and then a streaking flash of pain running for the outside faucet.  If you open up Webster's Dictionary and look under the word, "Sting" there is now a picture of me... having almost whacked off the first two toes on my right foot.

The Good news is that I did not need to embarrass myself further by having to make a trip to the emergency room or see the neighborhood doctor.  It could just be my paranoia, but lately I get double-takes from anyone I walk by that happens to be in the medical field.  It’s almost like they want to say, “Hey, don’t I know you?”

Hope everyone had a nice weekend.  Stay Safe, Stay Insured,  Steve

P.S.

I got a speeding ticket late Friday night for going 58 in a 40 zone...I'm on a roll.