I go out for Printer Ink, I come home with a Cat

How does this happen…it does if your Staples is sitting right next to Petco.  So we’ve now upgraded.  We not only have a cat, but we also have a large hairy, smelly beast of a dog that likes to live in water.  So we’re set, right?  One dog, one cat, two kids, we even still have a hamster.  I’ve done my Fatherly duty, provided food, shelter, a generous helping of pets…I’m done.  Yeah right.

We’re heading off to the Staples for printer ink.  Right next door is the Petco, where we’re going to pick up a bag of greenies and the “Gentle Leader Collar” for our dog who at the time had a mind of his own while on walks. 

We’re at the Staples on line to check out and I tell my family, “Why don’t you go over to the Petco and pick up the stuff there and I’ll come over when I finish here.”  That was my first mistake.  

I finish paying and walk over to the Petco.  There’s a sign outside.  It’s says, “Adopt a Cat Sunday.”  Not sure if you’re old enough to remember, but there used to be a TV series called “Lost in Space.”  In the show there was a robot.  And if really bad sh*t was going to happen he could sense it, and he’d start flailing his arms and scream, “Danger Danger Danger.”  That’s exactly how I felt when I saw that sign.  I walk into the store and just as you come in there are stacks and stack of cages of cats and kittens.  My family is immersed in them.  I start to become apoplectic.  My daughter has multiple cats on her head and shoulders, my son is juggling cats, and my wife has stacks of adoption papers in her hands.  This is not good at all.

I compose myself and with the mental agility of a super hero, I dart into the Petco without being noticed and devise a plan.  The plan is: I’ll buy the items we need, sneak out to the car, and just not come back in.  They’ll eventually need to leave and when they’re out of the store I’ll scoop them up and make my escape.

I pick up the bag of greenies, I go down the aisle for the “Gentle Leader Collar” and get the last one in my dog’s size.  I’m now on line to check out….I’m almost on top of my family, but they’re too busy with the cats and cat people that they don’t notice me.  I’m almost home free, when the cashier notices that there is no price tag on the collar.  Want to see somebody’s heart sink.  I see the cashier pick up the overhead speaker and request assistance:  “Could I get a price check on the “GENTLE LEADER COLLAR?”  I cringe.  My family is awakened.  They start to look up in the air and then quickly spot me at the counter.  They enlighten me about how lucky we are to have stumbled across these Free Cats.  I dig in.  My feeling is, “Hey, we have a dog, we have a cat, even a hamster.”  Are we looking to build an Arc?  We don’t NEED another cat.

So this cat’s an even a better bargain.   The cat people have arranged to have her all fixed up at their Vet for next to nothing.  The only possible catch is they give her an “aids” test.  If she tests positive, they’ll just put her to sleep right then.  They tell us they’ll call and give us the test results.  I’m home alone one night and there is a flashing new message on the answering machine.  It’s the Vet’s office.  The kitten has a clean bill of health, we can pick her up any time we want.

Now this thought only passed through my mind for a very brief moment…but I was thinking…if I erase this message and just tell my family things didn’t work out….I’m home free.  Then my mind switch to the Express Elevator to Hell I’d be taking if I were to do something like that.  I decide that two cats and a dog might be a little less painful.