How I Cracked My Ribs...Again

I wish I could say I did it while skiing down a challenging mogul

run....but that's not even close to what happened.

We’re going to the Pennsylvania mountains for a week of skiing…. on the Saturday morning we're getting ready to leave, my wife suggested that we bring the two cats with us...along with the large hairy Golden Retriever.  In a moment of insanity I said, "Yeah, why not."  

So I go out into the garage and dig out the one cat carrier we have.  Now I need to get another one (being that I’m now the proud owner of two cats) at the ridiculously overpriced store in town.  

I can feel my temperature beginning to boil because as usual, I’m in a major hurry and this set of activities is going to delay lift-off…and as is the usual case, it’s for absolutely no reason at all.  I’m just in a hurry and making a conscious decision to torture myself.

“Isn’t it Fascinating! “

I opt for another front loader similar to the one we already have. (Surprise, it’s the least expensive model they have.) I chose wrong. We were able to get Jack (who can be ornery) into the old carrier by putting a greenie in and closing the door behind him.  Jill who is generally sweet as pie became a she-demon.  (Three transfusions later, the doctors tell me that with time and some plastic surgery the scars won't be that noticeable.)

Now I’m in an absolutely perfect mood.  I have to go back to the boutique pet store, return my initial purchase and buy a top loader carrier.  Naturally the new unit I need costs over $80 dollars.  I did mention that one of the selling points my family used in acquiring these cats was that they were free!

Once we got up to the PA Mountains, I decided it would be a good idea to fold down the back seat of the minivan to make it easier to get at the ski equipment for the week.  Fortunately or Unfortunately I remembered that I packed two small snow shovels under the back seat...so they'd need to come out before collapsing the seat.

Instead of taking the extra 20 seconds to walk around the side of the

mini-van, and open a side door to remove them, I decided that I'd just reach over the back seat from the back of van and pull them out that way.  One of my many miscalculations of the week was that I forgot that I'm less than 6 feet tall and have relatively normal size arms.

I couldn't reach the shovels.  So again, I refuse to walk around the van; but now I'm imagining I have the flexible body of a twelve year old.  I position the lower portion of my rib cage on the top of the back seat, my body is now parallel to the ground and I reach over to pull the shovels out.  I get one shovel out (falsely reinforcing my notion that this was a good idea), but the other shovel is stuck.  At this point I'm totally committed to this plan, there is absolutely no way that I'm backing out.  (Let’s forget about the fact that at this point I'm totally frustrated and p*ssed out of my mind)  Then in a fit of rage I yank and yank on the handle of the shovel and felt what can best be described as one of my ribs buckling or crumbling.  Now I’m thinking to myself, “Oh Cr*p, I didn’t really just do that?  The Mrs. is going to be really pleased…again.”  But I got the shovel!

Hurt ribs can be a funny thing.  From past experience, they generally don't  hurt that bad right off the bat.  It doesn’t hit home until you try doing something difficult, like tying your shoes. 

I didn't start feeling any discomfort until that night.  I had some problems breathing after having a large meal.  Pain didn't show up until the next day… when it started snowing. I found that if I shovel in one direction no pain.  If I switch hands, it felt like Mohammed Ali connected with a left hook to my rib cage.  It snowed for 6 days straight.  When all was said and done we had over 3 feet of snow.  

Adding to my luck, I caught a family member's cold mid week.  So sneezing and nose blowing became unbelievably painful events. What's really fun is when you get into a sneezing fit and you rifle off 3 or 4 sneezes in a row.  The good news was that when I came to, I had no recollection of what happened.