This post is a public service message. An interesting thing about Alaska in July is that it’s light out a whole lot. Like it only gets somewhat dark around 2:30AM, and that only lasts for about an hour or so. If you’ve got a concern about vampires, you want to summer in Alaska.
The only thing you need to be careful about is since it’s light out all the time, you kind get the feeling like you’re Uberman, and you can stay up for 23 hours in a day as well. Listed below is a short story about the downside of thinking you have those Uber powers.
It’s the last day in Alaska. We have a final fishing expedition for the prize game fish of Alaska, The King Salmon, “CHINOOK”! The whole trip I have not caught one and I’m bummin over it. We head out in the afternoon in a large rowboat with a small outboard motor. We’re on a river that’s about a quarter mile across. The King Salmon are running up this river and I hook one…a large one. You have a small boat pole and you immediately stand up, bury the end of the pole into your gut and crouch over reeling. Smokin Joe our guide is screaming at me the whole time. I’m hearing a lot of words that start with the letter “F”. His main words of encouragement for me are to, “Stand Up Straight!” He tells me I look like a Monkey trying to have intercourse with a basketball. (Actually he used one of the “F” words.) He said that to me a lot…I guess I’m a slow learner.
I was in awe the first time this fish’s head came out of the water. It looked like a prehistoric animal. When we finally got it in the boat and back to shore: “49 inches and 64 pounds.” I’m so pumped; this fish is a monster. Joe has radioed ahead and a guy is waiting for us at Joe’s dock. He skins the fish right there, drops the meat off at the butcher shop and sends the skin out for mounting. We pack up, and head to get some dinner and celebrate.
Dinner is over at about 11PM and we head to the butcher shop to pick up our weeks worth of fish we’ve caught. He has everything cut up into filets that are vacuum-sealed. He has these large think cardboard boxes that are covered in wax. He’s puts freezer packs in the boxes with the fish. This will keep them okay for a couple of hours. We have strict instruction: When we get to the Anchorage Airport, (at around 3AM) we’re to go to the part of the airport that has large freezers (they cater to fishermen). We’re to have them cut the straps on the boxes, leave the boxes open for 3 or 4 hours until our flights are ready, and then re-strap them and we should be okay for the flights home.
So it now time to hit the road. Everyone is looking at each other trying to figure out who’s going to be stuck behind the wheel for the 3 plus hour ride back. I’m still on cloud nine so I volunteer. It won’t be a problem, hell it’s still light out. Half way into the trip my Uber powers begin to wear off. I’m starting to feel like a mere mortal. Of course everyone else in the car is fast asleep. I try opening the windows for a while but that get’s to be too cold. I begin doing calisthenics with eyelids in an effort to stay awake. Now we’re on a long straight patch of highway and it’s not really light out any longer…this is helpful.
So when I eventually do expire and they happen to do an autopsy on me, they’re probably going to find that throughout my life, I’ve had a number of self-inflicted heart attacks. This ride home would probably be one of the first. Out of the back of my mind I hear a voice coming from one of the guys in the seat behind me. He’s asking me why we’ve been driving on the shoulder of the highway for the last 10 minutes. (I of course don’t have a great answer, as I’ve been asleep all that time.) I now wake up and almost immediately go into cardiac arrest as I re-grip the steering wheel and get the car back onto the highway. I would have been fine if I could have just stopped my legs from shaking. I’m quickly relieved of duty…nobody has a sense of humor.
Eureka, we finally get to the Anchorage Airport. It’s completely CLOSED! Our fish will shortly be a Stinking Mess! Dejected, we decide to go to a Budget Motel just outside the airport and get 3 or 4 hours of sleep before our flights. At the counter I ask, “You guys don’t happen to have one of those industrial strength freezers on premise, do you?” Answer, “Why yes we do.” Long story, Short: Fish made it back fine, and I had the Fire Department at my house when I got home, and tried to season a new cast iron skillet.
No comments:
Post a Comment